Maxine Stirner
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Posted - 2005.04.19 05:31:00 -
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Sorry, but this situation is just so, so familiar for some reason I had to post this little piece from a little Posthumanist underground newscube printed locally. Oh and btw: "Splittists!"
How many Post Humanists does it take to change a light bulb?
1,666
1 person to notice that the hard drive light is burned out on Jack's computer.
13 people to make generalizations about how changing society would mean that in the future, problems like the burned-out bulbs wouldn't exist.
1 person to re-open the debate about how light bulbs are ofteb made from slave labor and thus are ununposthumanistic. This person also would say that guns should be banned because they can be used to shoot small minmatar.
1 person to send out flame bait about the light bulb issue.
130 people who respond to the flame bait and quote previous messages in their entirety, with only a one line addition appended. These posts will all include sig lines longer than the responses.
6 people to propose that a FAQ on the Proper Posthumanist Way to Change Light Bulbs be written.
560 people to send requests on how to find "The Post-Humanist Cookbook."
670 to send unsubscribe messages saying that the traffic about lightbulbs is too much.
45 drunken students to post weird ramblings with no relation to any of the threads.
1 rosaphilia to post 65 Tb forwarded messages about conspiracy theories and light bulbs.
19 spammers to send messages about products entirely unrelated to lightbulbs, Posthumanism, guns, or Concord.
3 posts to inform the world on the lightbulb debate.
16 folks who send messages quoting great Posthumanist lightbulb thinkers out of context.
18 immature boys to make accusations that other list members do weird sexual things with lightbulbs.
2 people to send out emails about punk mining laser light shows in Mamet that will raise money for the new light bulb.
1 wise guy/gal to start a flame thread if organizing around the lightbulb situation is an example of "lifestylism."
356 to post follow-up to the lifestylism debate, asserting that the lightbulb is important to revolutionary politics.
20 newbies to crosspost the entire thread to 15 other lists, including 6 secret, members-only ones, and 45 newsgroups including alt.talk.lightbulb, alt.revolution.change.lightbulb, alt.worship.tetrimon, soc.guns.fuzzy, alt.conspiracy.concord, and alt.libertarian.sansha.
1 person to ponder the origins of the black lightbulb and its various meanings through history.
65 Posthumanists to discuss how they were first introduced to the posthumanist way of lightbulb changin'.
4 frustrated posthumanists to urge that we get posthumanists "organized" on this issue.
89 people to discuss whether or not posthumanists should change the lightbulb like they do in the Gallentean Senate.
222 well-read anti-authoritarians to suggest book titles for further reading on this important topic.
3 posthumanist librarians to make sure that all the debate about the lighbulb situation is archived and properly indexed, so that future scholars can look back and ponder what all the commotion was about.
1 list-maintainer to go out to the electronics store to buy a new bulb.
and of course:
3 luddite neo-posthumanists to fashion a space raft out of junk, float across the cosmos, locate Jack's computer, and smash the new bulb to pieces.
Note: The numbers don't add up to the answer given above because math is relative. Those who maintain that mathematics gives exact answers are pretentious, elitist academic ****ers.
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